never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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