I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize