i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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