Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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