Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
