I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
