Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
