I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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