textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
