Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
