The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
