I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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