apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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