i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize