I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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