put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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