You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
