You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
