Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
