I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
