i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
