Welp...herpes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
