would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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