She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
