what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
