she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
