I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
