Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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