We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
