ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
