Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
