I'm eating all of the evidence.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
