see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize