During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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