So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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