Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
