and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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