it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
