i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
