Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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