This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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