I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
tell me about the eggs
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