just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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