WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My dick has a subreddit
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
