sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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