i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
