it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm getting married
To pizza
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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