im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize