at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
MIDGETS
????
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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