I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
