Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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