My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
