i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
