So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
