im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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