Kiss
Puke
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
