"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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