in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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