I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
