Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize