I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
