worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
