1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
