i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
