He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
