She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i now understand why vodka
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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