We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
