he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
