Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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