Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
