Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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