not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
