Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
