How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
